still not the thing

i'm agitated again, which makes it hard to work. to do anything, mostly.

today i woke up tired and ran tired. there wasn't very much blood making it up to my brain, so i didn't try and think too much. my heart didn't hurt very much. maybe it's getting back in shape. there are delays in scheduling in the medical profession but not in my life, so unless i die i'll probably get better before anyone can do anything about it. this is one way of being impatient.

i've been reading the zumdahl calculus book and surprising myself at how much of it i understand. it's true that i have forgotten almost everything i learned when i took the course, but it's also the case that i understand a lot of the important stuff, stuff that was too subtle for me, and in the end nonessential, the first time around. it's an interesting point of view shift to think of calculus as compact, having distinct boundaries that can be held in two hands.

tim sent out the dispatch submissions the other day and i just got down to reading them now. the main problem is that there aren't enough submissions. i know we can drum some more up, but it means that we'll probably have to print stuff that either isn't edited enough or isn't really worth printing. i'm saying only two of the articles we got have potential. one of them is potentially brilliant, though, so i'm excited about that. i sent a terse e-mail to tim saying i'd work on it.